The OFFICIALunOFFICIAL English Bulldog Mascot

Are You Smarter Than An English Bulldog?

In Animals and Pets, bulldogs, Popular Culture, Television, Thats' Life on March 9, 2010 at 7:59 PM

“I hear and I forgetI see and I remember. I do and I understand …”

Ever been out and about just minding your own business when someone, (usually an adult) approaches and says “Awww… You’re so cute. Are you Friendly?Ka-Choing oing oing oing oing!

“Oh nooo… Look at me, I’m a regular teenaged werewolf. Why I could have ripped the face off that woman in Connecticut, too, if I’d have been there. Or morphed into a chimpanzee. That’s why you see me here tethered to the inside of this getaway vehicle otherwise cleverly disguised– As a STROLLER!

I always wanna say stuff like That but I restrain myself. It’s called self-control because sarcasm is bad, kids. Bad.

Art Linkletter was the television host of a popular show in the 50’s and 60’s called Kids Say The Darndest Things.

I ought to be the bulldog host of a show called People Say The Darndest Things– About Bulldogs. Or You Don’t Know Bull.  Or Are You Smarter Than ThatOne |Bulldog?

It’s exhausting for Her. It takes a lot of psychic and emotional energy to repel all that weighty not-goodwill that’s really at the heart of these inquiries. And it’s not that any of you are even especially clever.  We  hear the same questions over and over, time and time again:

❝How much did She pay for you?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ How much is that gorilla in the window?

❝Do you have a lot of health problems?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ Only if you consider ‘good’ a problem.

❝How’d you  get so buffed?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ I have my bitch and dog to thank for that.

❝How do you stay so white?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ What’s birth got to do– Got to do with it?

❝Do you snore?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠Only when I’m sleeping.

❝Does She have to lift you in and out of  Her SUV?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ Yeah. It’s called ‘No dog left behind.’

❝Can you walk?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ Yeah, but the buggy is cheaper than a Mercedes.

❝Do you  surf/skateboard/do a stupid pet trick?❞➠➠➠➠➠ No. No.  And a little bit… more NO!

❝Are you friendly?❞ This is the one that gets me every time. I don’t understand the question. Do People normally bring “unfriendly” dogs, dogs they know to be aggressive, biters or unsocialized, drooling, snarling barbarians out to mix it up with the public to say Walmart or Safeway or Starbucks? Does that make any sense?

It makes me wonder if any of the People who ask Her these rude and thoughtless (not to mention Ridicules) questions have ever been set upon on their way into the library or at the park by an “unfriendly” dog on a leash? Or tethered to the inside of a blue buggy? With an AKC/CGC * patch on the front?

Can you spell  BENIGN?

So People, when you’re tempted to try to make small talk and you have neither the conversational skills nor talent to pull that off, here’s my advice to you: Just say “Oh!” Followed by “He’s cute. May I pet him?” Then be on your way. And keep your negative questions and derogatory comments to yourself.

Goodwill Energies I direct
Toward each and every one of you
Each and every day.

❝And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…❞

That’s life, today!

*AKC- American Kennel Club
CGC- Canine Good Citizen
  1. I get the following a lot:
    “Is she albino?” Uh no.
    “Are they high maintenance?” Depends on what you consider low maintenance…I just think of them as bulldogs.
    “You must have paid more for an all white bulldog right?” Oh yeah, loads more…my breeder is a total swidler.
    “So they just sit around all day right?” Right…that’s why one had ACL repair last year…cuz he sat wrong.

  2. you are sooo right on this one! We always get if Jethro and Ziva are friendly, if they can do tricks.. my response about the tricks is- being cute is good enough!

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