The OFFICIALunOFFICIAL English Bulldog Mascot

Interesting And Maybe Not-So-Interesting Things About…

In Children's Literacy, English bulldogs, K-12 Education, Literary Device: Allusion, Popular Culture, Television, ThatOne WORD, Thats' Life on March 29, 2011 at 8:32 AM
Rod Serling's Night Gallery is referenced in t...

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Making a list of your personal attributes can be an eye opening exercise. You should try it. I am soooo not good at putting my personal attributes in list form. Why? Well look! See fur yourself! Whenever I start to make an attributes list it turns out like this one right here– Not compact, not economic, not pithy or whimsical or full of fun.

No, mine turns out to be the list of epic proportions with qualifiers which, to borrow a famous pop culture phrase from Rod Serling, is, in spite of all that, submitted fur your approval

This is

That One List of Interesting and Maybe Not-So-Interesting Things— about ThatOne

I am no athlete. I generally do not chase. Balls or anything else.
I do not surf, skateboard or do tricks. However, I am quite agile. I simply prefer more cerebral pursuits.

I like to walk along the edges of buildings. When ascending or descending stairs, I prefer being on the left side. Always.


Not one fur knee-jerk responses, I carefully consider Her commands. I wanna be certain I heard and understood and will carry out the tersely worded instruction precisely. Consequently, She has pawfected the art of waiting.


In the morning, I am meticulous about selecting  just the right spot to squat or lift my leg. Consequently, She has become especially adroit at allowing the requisite time fur this latrine selection process. Or in plain English– waiting.

I rather like riding in cars.

I do not thrust my head out of windows or loll my tongue in the wind.
I don’t mind transport devices like pet strollers or shopping carts.
I don’t mind wearing Doggles. Or clothes.


I will let you take my picture but you better be quick about gettin’ your shot. I do not have all day!

I prefer never to be around mops or brooms. Long handles bother me.
I don’t like snapping plastic bags.
I don’t like snapping sheets. Or towels. I think I basically don’t like snap.
My threshold fur noise is extraordinarily high.
I have slept through two earthquakes and countless thunder rolls.
I am cautious.

I like to walk. I’m slow. I like to walk but I walk slow. And the walks– they can’t be long.
I will walk on leash, but only because I am trained, I am disciplined– and I have to.

I run in short bursts. Running is fun, especially uphill running. It’s not that I get tired. I just don’t want to keep that up fur minutes and minutes on end.

I follow Her everywhere She goes no matter how many inches that may take me.

I’m a foot licker.

I make loud, slurpy, grunty noises brought on by the pure ecstasy I experience when I lick my feet. I lick my feet then wash my face with my feet. Consequently She has pawfected repressing Her disgust.

I generally dislike having my feet touched. I attribute it to my intrinsic good temperament that I tolerate it.


I make noises when I sniff, noises that become progressively louder and more varying in tone and length depending on how interesting I find the scent.
I am prone to releasing snot showers every time I get close to Her face.
I like to sleep with my butt facing Her face.
I shed profusely.
People tell me I do not have bad breath.
I am completely dependent on Her to scratch my butt.
I have always depended on the kindness of strangers to scratch my butt.

I don’t mind getting groomed. Or the vet.
I love the bath.
I love being brushed.
I don’t mind having my nose fold cleaned. Constantly. Or my ears. Constantly.

I have a bladder of steel.
After I poop I do a happy dance.
She wipes my butt after I poop.
I like water. However it cannot be rain water that is still coming out of the sky. I do not like stepping on rain soaked surfaces. I do not like mud.
As far as People food is concerned, I know fur a fact that I do like:
Cooked carrots
Eggs
Peanut butter
Pizza crust
Cheese
Ice cream
Yogurt
Bacon
Meat
Poultry
Most anything else that is nommy except
Fruit (unless it’s mixed in yogurt) and Raw veggies.
I think.
I almost never come in contact with People food so this list is by no means exhaustive.
People food makes me hurl. That’s why I hardly get any.
I like cooler climate.
My threshold fur heat is exceedingly low.
I used to get inter digital cysts all the time. Now hardly ever.
I occasionally get head tremors. But I have not had one in a very long time.
I’m not good at being succinct.
I like to talk.

Clowns unnerve me.

I don’t have anything against dogs, but my social preference is People.
I’m indifferent to cats. And small dogs.
I like to play with the big dogs.
When I am flatulent, 99% of the time it’s a prelude to a poop.
I snore but only occasionally.
I really do ❤ being The Champion Fur Children’s Literacy.
I am passionate about children’s literacy.
I am mostly reserved.
I am mostly serious.
I’m not especially animated in public.
I ❤ Her Anipals.
I ❤ Her.
I always wanna be beside Her.

I am just a lap dog.

Goodwill Energies I direct
Toward each and every one of you
Each and everyday

“And there came to be evening, and there came to be morning…”

That’s Life today.
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  1. I’ll have to convince bella and riley to do this, I loved it!

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