The OFFICIALunOFFICIAL English Bulldog Mascot

Ka-Choing… Yoing Oing Oing Oing!

In Children's Literacy, Civility, English bulldogs, Humor, K-12 Education, Manners, Sarcasm, Self-control on April 24, 2011 at 8:00 AM

#bullDogNATION’s Sunday BULLY Pulpit

♫♫(woof!) What you want?
(woof!) Maybe I got it
(woof!) What you need?
(woof!) You know I got it!
(woof!) All I’m askin’
(woof!) Is for a little RESTRAINT out in public
(just a little bit) Courtesy (just a little bit)
Out in public
(just a little bit)
People
(just a little bit)
Woof!

Hello! And to #bullDogNATION’s Sunday BULLY Pulpit where each week we gather together fur the Gospel and the Gossip according to Me! Or you. Come on in. You’re welcome to post your own opinion, pictures or comments on #bullDogNATION’s Sunday BULLY Pulpit. This week:

“I hear and I forgetI see and I remember. I do and I understand …”–Ancient Chinese Proverb


Ever been out and about just minding your own bully bidness when someone, (usually an adult) approaches and says “Awww… You’re so cute! Are you—  Friendly?

Ka-Choing Yoing Oing!

CAUTION: Menace to society. Big time.

Oh nooo… Why.., just look at me! I’m a regular flesh eatin’ teenaged werewolf here, see..?

I'm a Lover. Not a biter.

Could’a been me who ripped the face off that woman in Connecticut! If I’d have been there. Magically morphed into a frustrated chimpanzee. Who snapped.

Clever disguise.

That’s why I’m always cleverly disguised, see, as That mild mannered English bulldog tethered inside this three wheeled getaway vehicle here, equally cleverly disguised– As a Pet STROLLER!

I always wanna say stuff like That, but I restrain myself. Why? Self-control. Because sarcasm is bad, kids. Bad.

Art Linkletter was the popular television host of a popular TV show in the popular 50’s and 60’s called Kids Say The Darndest Things.

I ought to be the bulldog host of a show called People Say The Darndest Things– About Bulldogs. Or You Don’t Know Bull!– About Dogs.  Or Are You Smarter Than ThatOne | English Bulldog? (Any TV movers and shakers out there? *Call me.*)

It’s exhausting. Fur Her! It takes a lot of psychic, physical and emotional energy to repel all that weighty not-goodwill that’s really at the heart of  most of these inquiries.

And more than a few of you are not even especially clever, either. We hear the same questions and comments over and over and over, time and time again. Here are just a few examples:

❝How much did you pay fur him?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ How much is that gorilla in the window?

❝Does he have a lot of health problems?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ Only if you consider ‘good’ a health problem.

He has a face only a mother could love❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ Sure you right. And I do!

❝He’s so ugly, he’s cute!❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ Thank you?

❝How’d you get him so buffed?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ I owe my good looks to my mother and father. And precedents!

❝How do you get him so white?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ ♫♫What’s genes got to do– Got to do with it? And perhaps an occasional bath?

❝Does he snore?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠Only when I’m sleeping.

❝Do you always have to lift him in and out of  your SUV?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ I believe strongly in ‘No Dog left behind.’

❝Can he walk?❞ ➠➠➠➠➠ Yes, but the Thatmobile is so much more portable than a Mercedes.

❝Do you  surf/skateboard/do a stupid pet trick?❞➠➠➠➠➠ No. No.  And a little bit more–  NO! But if you hum a few bars…

Again. Restraint. I can’t actually say these things. I just think them. And write them in my blog. BOL!

❝Is he friendly?❞ This is the question that gets me every time People ask Her That. I’m a bulldog and even I don’t quite understand.

Do People as a general practice, routinely bring along unsociable, unfriendly, snarling, straining-at-the-leash, aggressive, biting, angry, drooling, snapping Real Cujo’s of ________*(insert your town’s name here)* to mix it up with the public to, say, Target or the public library or Barnes and Noble?

You wouldn’t bring your unruly child out in public on a bad day. Why do you think She or anybully else fur that matter, would bring an untrained, undisciplined, unpredictable, unrestrained, let alone unhealthy wild animal out in public? Does that even make sense?!! I’m a bulldog not a chimpanzee!

Ka-Choing... Yoing Oing Oing Oing!

It makes me wonder if any of the People who ask Her these rude and thoughtless (not to mention Ri-lick-cules) questions have ever been set upon on their way into the library or on the street by an “unfriendly” dog on a leash? Tethered to the inside of a blue buggy? With an AKC/CGC * patch in full display on the front?

So People, when you’re tempted to try to make idle conversation or innocuous small talk and you have neither the skills, the temperament, the knowledge about bulldogs (or any other breed of dog); you’re not “a dog Person,” or possess the social grace sufficient to speak intelligently on this or any other subject, here’s my advice to you:

Just say “Oh!” Followed by

“He’s cute. May I pet him?”

Then be on your way. And check the ill will energy, negative questions and derogatory comments at your door!

RES-TRAINT!
Find out what That means to me
RES-TRAINT!
Common Courtesy! Ow!

k tx!

Goodwill Energies I direct
Toward each and every one of you
Each and every day.
 

❝And there came to be evening and there came to be morning…❞


That’s life, today!

btw! BOL!

Related Articles

The History Of The Thatmobile 
Pepsi Please!
Verses In English: Bulldog On World Peace (that1ebd.wordpress.com)
See In The Window, Magilla Gorilla
In Defense Of The Needs Of The Many
 
*AKC- American Kennel Club
CGC- Canine Good Citizen
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  1. She doesn’t even have a clever reply fur ThatOne. She just smiles, says “Thank you” and accepts it in the spirit it was offered. It’s been our experience Older Ones seem to go fur That remark. But when it’s a 30 something imagining he’s being “opaque” if you know what I mean, then She just doesn’t say anything. Which is probably best. When you know how to do what’s right, it’s not always the most revenge satisfying row to hoe. BOL.

  2. Great post!!! Took my 2 bullies out yesterday and heard the ‘so ugly you are cute’ comment. (which makes me want to say: Oh really.. You are too!) Really, how should you reply to That? Being sarcastic back won’t help but it is so tempting!!! 🙂

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